{"id":82745,"date":"2016-03-05T21:24:01","date_gmt":"2016-03-06T02:24:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/?p=82745"},"modified":"2016-03-05T23:49:50","modified_gmt":"2016-03-06T04:49:50","slug":"god-cop-bad-cop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/god-cop-bad-cop\/","title":{"rendered":"God Cop, Bad Cop"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>The poor, sweating bastard had no idea why he had been unceremoniously grabbed off the street. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But <\/span>why?<\/em> What did I <\/span>do?<\/em>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d yelled this repeatedly, but all the two cops would say is, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If you weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t an evil doer, we wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be arresting you. Now come along quietly, buddy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Both men were businesslike, both bearded, which seemed a little strange for police officers. One was visibly older, with snow-white hair. His expression suggested a habit of fierceness. The younger man\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s brow betrayed a note of discomfort with what they were doing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now the nondescript man, sitting alone at what must be an interrogation table, unadorned except for a few nicks and coffee cup circles here and there, took stock of his Kafka-esque situation, wondering what might happen next. Wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he owed a lawyer? He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know any, and he suspected that any provided for him would really be on the side of the authorities, not him.<\/p>\n

But now the door swung open, and the two policemen walked in, sat down across from him. Both held coffee cups. Neither offered any to him. For a moment, they stared at him in silence. Then the older man spoke.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re some poor excuse for a good citizen, and you know how I know? It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s your atheism. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make any secret of it, do you? And atheists have no moral code. They can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. You might do anything. You might have done<\/em> anything already<\/em>. Isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t that so?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Stunned, the man replied: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Uh, look, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s true I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not religious, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll admit, but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve never hurt anybody. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve never broken any law. What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s more, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t plan<\/em> to! You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t arrest me for not believing in God\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Smack!<\/em><\/p>\n

He recoiled from the blow, feeling the blood trickling from his mouth.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What the hell was that<\/em> for? Look, I know my rights, and you\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Smack<\/em> again. His nose was bleeding this time.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah, smart guy? And who gave<\/em> you those rights? You got no God? You got no rights.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Blinking the pain away, the prisoner began calculating his chances if he tried to defend himself. As if they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d read his mind, the older cop nodded to his younger partner, who stood up, produced a pair of cuffs, and bound his captive\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrists. Sitting back down, he leaned over and addressed the other.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sarge, are you sure this is necessary? Look<\/em> at the poor sad-sack! He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even understand what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing<\/em> here!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

The senior officer sat back and gave the younger man a look that was hard to interpret: was he annoyed? Impatient? Was there even a note of contempt?<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay, sonny boy, you<\/em> take a crack at him. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll give you some room and go for a smoke break.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Both the prisoner and his remaining interrogator watched the big man leave. Then they turned to look one another in the face.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry about that. I really am. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m gonna be even sorrier for what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s probably going to do when he comes back if I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get anywhere with you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Uh, wh\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 what do you mean?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

The policeman rubbed his brow with eyes momentarily closed.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ah, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s liable to get pretty rough, and I mean rough<\/em>, as in \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcYou ain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seen nothin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 yet.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But how does he get away <\/em>with this crap? You guys haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even read me my rights!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153There you go, talking about \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcrights\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 again. You know, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got a point. Without a theistic frame of reference, you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even have<\/em> any rights. No<\/em>body does. Why don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you reconsider your position, my friend? It would go a lot easier for you if you did. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not just talking about avoiding some missing teeth and broken bones here today. Think of the ways your life could improve if you became a believer! You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have a spring in your step every day, knowing you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re doing God\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s work, obeying his will. And you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have a whole new family of fellow Christians to love and support you. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s great! Really. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the way you should look at it: the benefits are great! And he<\/em>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d thumbing in the direction of the door, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to spill any more of your blood. Won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you think about it, my friend?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

The man hand-cuffed to the metal chair lowered his head to his chest to think.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s it, pray. Pray and God will hear.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

But the head came back up to eye-level, and the prisoner spoke unwaveringly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry, officer, but it just doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work<\/em> like that. Any decision I made would be phony, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you see? It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not like buying a new car. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t suddenly start believing things because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d probably feel better if I did. And if I tried<\/em> to believe just to save my skin, well, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d know I was kidding myself and so would you. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you see that? You seem like an intelligent guy\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

The policeman slowly shook his head.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m so sorry to hear you say that, my friend. So, so<\/em> sorry. Because now I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to have to do this<\/em>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

The blow connected with blinding force, all the more shocking because it came as a total surprise. When the prisoner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sight cleared, he could see the other cop, the white-bearded one, coming back into the interrogation room, rolling up his sleeves. The younger one was fitting a pair of brass knuckles onto his hand. Worse yet, a third cop was wheeling in a metal cart on which the captive thought he could see a collection of scalpels, pliers, hammers and bone saws. Just before he fainted, he heard one of the cops say, with a harsh chuckle, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just remember, buddy boy, God loves you, and this is gonna hurt him<\/em> more than it does you<\/em>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Oh, dear reader, did I forget to tell you the characters\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 names? The older policeman was Sergeant Jehovah. His younger partner was Officer Jesus. And the prisoner? Well, what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s your<\/em> name?<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

If you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like to read more about this nasty theological scenario, may I invite you to purchase a copy of my new book, Blaming Jesus for Jehovah: Rethinking the Righteousness of Christianity<\/em>, published by Tellectual Press and available from Amazon.com.<\/p>\n

So says Zarathustra.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The poor, sweating bastard had no idea why he had been unceremoniously grabbed off the street. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But why? What did I do?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d yelled this repeatedly, but all the two cops would say is, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If you weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t an evil doer, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82745","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/82745","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=82745"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/82745\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=82745"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=82745"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.robertmprice.mindvendor.com\/zblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=82745"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}